#2 Mead

A few millennia before wine coolers became the alcoholic beverage of choice for white people everywhere, all of the coolest Caucasians from Aristotle to Beowulf were regularly imbibing this potent potable also known as “honey wine.” The drink got its nickname due to its inclusion of that sweetest of bee excretions. Mead also traditionally contains water and yeast. Variations on the drink contain different combinations of spices, herbs, and fruits.

It’s believed by some that the drink’s usage in early wedding rituals helped coin the term “honeymoon,” which in turn lent its name to a popular white person mid-50s situation comedy starring Jackie Gleason whose character Ralph Kramden advocates light-hearted spousal abuse, incidentally, a common side effect of excessive mead consumption.

Aside from the aforementioned case of Beowulf (whose climatic scene unfolds in a mead hall), the drink has been a perennial favorite in white people books over the years, making appearances in everything from the works of Tolkien to Neil Gaiman.

Mead has long since fallen out of favor amongst the majority of white people, having long since been eclipsed by its spiritual successors, Brooklyn Lager and Zima.